Friday, July 15, 2016

Really World???

I will do my best to make this short and sweet (or as sweet as I can)...

To be honest, I am coming up on my 46th birthday on Monday, and 20 years ago if you would have asked me if I would have lived this long, I would have laughed in your face... When I hit 30, I was like HOLY SHIT!!... then 35...WHAT THE HELL!! and 40...HOW DID I DO IT???... 45... well it just sucked with so many important people in my life leaving this world, especially my dad... it made me sad.  Sad that I lost not only my dad, a good friend, the sweetest neighbor, my little buddy Pino and all the depression and anxiety of grappling with all things within such a short period of time. Add to it other health issues and that my 14 year relationship was fading quickly, the business was going no where, due to my own lack of pulling my shit together, but now I come upon year 46 and wonder what in the World is going on??  Still everytime I seem to be moving in the right direction, something comes up and beats me in the face. in my personal life, business life and in the world in general.

I have been fortunate to be surrounded by great family and friends, but as some come closer, others seem to be pulling away.  I have not been focused on myself for so long and everytime I do,  I end up wanting to help others... like my dad, helping others makes me feel good, but now I am at a point I really can only do so much and it pains me. I need to regrab my footing and hang on... where once I was suprised at each passing birthday, now I look forward to it hoping that I can be there for family, friends and others who can use my help... but it seems to backfire...

The last few months with all that has happened in our country and around the world with sensless attacks on innocent people trying to live their lives is just rediculous.  It is not a race war, or equal rights war, or a war against countries... it is a general war on our world society by people who feel (like I have at some points) like they need to be a part of something.  They need mental stability, they need help to not go out and kill just anyone, they need help... not from some terror group... do you really think going out and slaughtering hundreds of people is going to get you anywhere... sure, another 15 minutes of fame, but then someone else is going to slide right into that time spot and lie about being connected with your group... your are not striking fear in the world, you are striking anger and rage against yourselves... and if you look at history... every leader or movement who thought they were going to rule the world, really did not succeed... even the Roman Empire fell... and what happened to Hitler... it is not gun control, it is mental control that is killing innocent people ALL AROUND THE WORLD... I may have an ego from time to time, but not enough so to take the lives of men, women and children of any race, religion or lifestyle...

What is killing me is the arrogance of so many people, who usually end up dead from taking these actions, when they could have been helped with some issues with their mental health and not with learning to pull a trigger or push a button.

I could say more, but I have had a shitty week and I want to start my egoticistical... memememememe birthday weekend with a fresh start tomorrow in hopes of being surrounded by family, friends, strangers and my doggies...

Prayers and thoughts to France and all the families effected by tonights tragic events.. and again to the families of those effected by the recent tragedies here in the US.

Friday, July 8, 2016

It looks like Claudia will be leaving...

Looks like I am selling my car next week... My landlord wants it for his fiance' and we have negotiated a deal that will help me catch up on some of my rent. Now I just have to come up with cash to pay difference in payoff and find me a beat around car to get me where I need to go until some dust settles in financial arena.  Wish me luck!!

Have a good weekend!!!

I am such an idiot...

My TV is now working again... it helps when you use the correct remote to reset the TV... I feel so dumb.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Up and Down Lately

Hey everyone, I hope you had a great holiday weekend and did not get too sunburned.  My weekend was pretty good. My best friend Sloan was in town and he took me out with the guys to get in a round of golf and hang out.  Always good to him...

Then it rained Sunday and Monday...ughhh... tried to get some cleaning done, but is useless when two dog have to run in and out of the house constantly... I need a maid.  The other good thing is, I have lost about 30lbs since April and am now able find clothes in my closet I can fit back into... just have to work on keeping it off..and shedding some more weight and getting toned up...

Now for the bad... the warranty on m TV expired on March 20th and now my TV will not recognize the connection from the DVR... I replaced box, HDMI cable,, reset everything... The SmartTV works, but I can't watch regular TV on it... other TV in bedroom works fine... I don't know... Have been on phone with Comcast, Samsung and Best Buy... and Best Buy wants a $100 bucks just to look at it and then can't gaurantee that they will be able to fix it...arghhh... going to be a long weekend if I don't get something figured out with it...  Still trying to sell car and few other things to get cashflow while I wait on other things... stress...blah!

Hope everyone has good rest of the week.  Now I am going to hop back into work mode...


Friday, July 1, 2016


Yup.... the time of year you bloggers hate, my birthday and now that I am going to be 46 on the 18th, I think I can celebrate the whole month... at least that is what I am telling myself so I can get over all that has happened in the last two years of my life... I am at rock bottom, but friends and family have been there for me and I am lucky to have that... so this is my  month, my month to step into my future and succeed at my business and also meet and greet new friends, hang out with old friends and just live life... at Auntie Mame said :

If you are feeling friendly, click here to see what I want for my birthday... but all I need is your continued support and love... thank you...

Friday, June 24, 2016

I will survive...

From 2014 to today has been a very bumpy and sad road for me as you may or may not know... so I am throwing it all out there real quick...

*Cricket (14) and Pino (10) both passed away
*My father passed away (68)
*A dear friend and fellow blogger took his own life (late 40's)
*One of the nicest neighbors you could ask for passed away, and now her husband has moved (early 60's)
*My business has been crushed due to lack of focus
*Jeff and I are not living together, basically separated
*Still dealing with issues on my dad's estate
*Dealing with medical issues from Severe Depression and Anxiety to Liver and blood issues
*The German Shepherd Rescue of Virginia is coming by tomorrow to assess Zeal so they can find her a good home
*Of course finances are lingering overhead
*Every time I think I am moving in right direction, it seems a brick wall pops up
*I take more meds than I really want to

The take away here is, things are improving physically with weight and liver. New medications are doing better than what I was taking before and hopefully I will be completely off of some of them by years end...but it is a process... I am working on getting part time work to help cover bills now that I am on my own. I have Nanook who is very good and seems to be about 90% housebroken now... she has the same temperament as Pino.. and that I like... Roxy is with Jeff, so I get to still see her from time to time... I have great friends who have my back when I run low on food or need advice outside therapy sessions...  I hope with being more focused on business, my financial situation will improve and a part time gig will help too... it is like I am at the bottom of Mt. Everest and it is cloudy and snowy some days and cannot see the peak, but other days, the sun is shining and the peak seems reachable...

Sorry for my little pitty party, but it makes me feel good putting it down.  And if you or someone you know is going through a hard time with depression or anxiety, give them a hug and be there for them... I used to think they were whiners or looking for attention, but what they do need is a shoulder to lean on, if only briefly... maybe help them find a therapist that can help them at little or now cost, or if they have insurance, let them know it is okay to seek help... it really does work.

Formerly Know as The Fan Free Clinic

Tonight was the big unveiling of our new branding and logo for the Fan Free Clinic... We are now the healthbrigade.  Almost 50 years serving the Richmond Community through birth control issues in 60's and 70's, to the AIDS Crisis in the 80 and now mental health crisis.  We have been a bit a head of the curve for most oganizations like us.  Standing up for those who cannot afford true healthcare.  Thanks to the volunteers and staff, we help over 10,000 people a year in our medical facility and many more through HIV outreach, and other programs.  We are not one of those pop up clinics you see in CVS or Kroger, our volunteers spend time with the patients, get to know them, and help them get through whatever problems they may have physically and emotionally.  I am very proud to serve on the Development Committee is organizing and helping with fundraising efforts.  So a BIG  KUDOS for all the hard work to everyone who was involved with bringing this new change and attitude to our facility.  Picture above is of me and Kim who heads Development Committee and is a Board Member.